General

A month ago, I started a new relationship with someone awesome. The first weeks went by smoothly, I enjoy cooking for both of us and I started having a bigger apetite and enjoying food better.

Four years ago, after I intentionaly gained 20lbs, I decided to completely forget about feederism because it was taking to much space in my life (I'm kind of an obsessive person when I'm interested in something). I managed to not think about it for years, but suddenly this new relationship made it all come to the surface. Damn, I love eating so much, I love feeling full after a good meal and seeing my body expand !

So I started eating more... And complained a bit to my boyfriend that I was eating to much and that I will certainly gain weight because of it, as to test the water. And what did he say ? He said : "you eat more probably because you are happy. And if you gain weight because you are happy, then it makes me happy too."

And since then, he seems to borderline encourage me to eat more. Like the other day, I was eating a pack of biscuits. I told him : "I'm eating too much, I should save what remains for tomorrow." He said : "Do you want to eat what remains ?" "Yes." "Then eat it if you want to, nothing is stopping you." Seriously, this made me so horny ! Of course then, I finished the pack.

Beside these encouragements, he started buying me treats often and he never tells me that stop, I had enough. If a finish a pack of candies in one sitting, he doesn't even seem to care.

So I came to question if he might be a closet feeder ? He said he likes to touch my belly, but at the same time he seems carefull to not overtouch it so I don't notice how much he likes it (that's my impression, maybe he is just not THAT fond of of it, just normaly likes it).

Anyway, I just gave in. I will gain weight, and since it won't even bother him I don't have to worry. I will have the fat that I want, I can eat what I want, I'll be happy and well loved. And being in a new relationship is the perfect excuse to gain weight, my family won't find it as strange as the first time I gained weight and I will be less self-conscious about it. It's just something that happens when you are in a relationship.

It's only been one month, I started eating way more after two weeks and I'm up by 4lbs. It's not much, but I can't wait to see my progress the next month, then the next one, since my apetite seems to grow a little bit everyday.

For those who want to know, I started at 105lbs (BMI 19.5). I didn't really set a goal, I mostly want to enjoy it, but I would like to be chubby (not obese, it is not for me) so maybe have a BMI of 25, that would make me weigh 140lbs. But maybe that won't be enough for me. Or maybe that I will be unable to stop gaining. I don't care actually, I just want to eat and be fat.

Yes, I would like to talk to him about it, but I feel a lot of shame about this fetish, I just can't bring it up. Even if I know I can trust him, I feel like our relationship wouldn't be the same if he knows the truth, I fear that it might break something. I might even lose appetite because I would put too much pressure on myself. I believe that he would accept it, but for myself, I can't accept it, I prefer not to put words on this desire of mine (except on this forum where I am anonymous).

Also, I believe that if he is a feeder, maybe he will enjoy more believing that I'm getting fat not on purpose, but that I'm getting fat even though I don't want to (sorry if it is worded badly, I couldn't find the right words). If he gives me some food, he can witness my lack of will to say no, when in reality it's all I'm asking for. And I like complaining about having eaten to much or having gained weight. If he knows the truth, it just won' t feel the same. I guess we can say I'm happy as it is now.

You're right, he might feel guilty when he gets to see the results, I didn't think about it.

What I didn't say in my post though, is that I still told him that I have a "strange" fetish and that I was too ashamed of it to tell him what it was, and that being with him have awoken it. It's not impossible that I gave too much clues about what it was because in a way I want him to know. So maybe he knows or at least have doubts about what it is, after all, but he might be waiting for me to be confortable enough to tell him.

I'll consider what you said, it's true that it would open the door to a lot of fun if I could tell him. I guess I have to get over that shame but I really don't know how to do it.

Haha, I see! Yes, you can tell me, I would like to know. Maybe it would give me confidence to do the same. I wish you good luck, I hope your week-end ends with lots of food !

I hope you have a great weekend

Just talk to your partner. Communication is key. And if you can't talk to them about something so important to you, then that doesn't bode well for your relationship - no matter if it's a kink or something else.

You are making the decision for him. You are deciding that he can't handle the real you when, based on what you shared, he seems pretty okay with it.

And if you truly believe that he won't love you fat, then that's not a relationship that will make you happy long term.

Good luck! I hope all goes well.

I'm so happy for you! It's not often people find someone they click with so well, especially with feedism. Sounds like they're a good partner and bring out the best in you. Do you know if you and him will ever talk about you having a fetish or will it remain unspoken?

Good luck to you both. I agree with Munchies, communication is key and regardless it’s better to be with someone who can accept your whole self than only certain parts of you. And it must be important to both of you, as it’s weighing enough on your minds to come here to discuss

Thank you everyone for your advices !

Well, some things happened since my last post. When I went to see him, I brought with me a bag of chouquettes. When we started eating them, my boyfriend handed me another one each time I finished one, it felt like he was feeding me and I truly enjoyed it ! Then the next day, we were eating candies and suddenly, it really surprised me a lot, he told me to open my mouth and put the candy in it !

After this, I really thought that he might have guessed what my fetish was, but of course I couldn't talk to him. But when I went home and saw the posts of everyone here, I sent him a message. I told him that it made me feel shame, but in a way I still wanted him to know because it's an important part of me, and I just didn't want to hide it to him.

So I tried to give him clues so he could guess, but he didn't find. He didn't know after all. However, playing this game made me gain some confidence and finaly I told him everything, in a way that it didn't make me feel as ashamed as I thought I would be. And... He accepted it ! His only concern is about health issues, but for the weight gain he doesn't care as long as I'm happy. He reassured me, telling me that it changed nothing to our relationship (that was one of my concerns).

I'm so happy for having told him, it's thanks to you all. Before posting here I had decided to never tell anyone. And now that he knows, I don't feel as ashamed as before, I wasn't expecting this. Now I can get fat in peace haha